There is no nice way to say it. Insecure women (and I am sure men too, although I’ve never been with a man) are liabilities. And when I say they are liabilities, I am saying this within the context of a relationship. An insecure woman is not an issue if she is not connected to you. In this case, she is just the girl at the bar trying to grab the attention of every guy she can, by any means possible. But what happens when that random attention seeker in the bar is actually your girlfriend who is on a night out with the girls… without you? Liability alert.
When I am single, I am very single. I’m all about me. And not in a dickish way, just in a “I don’t need to worry about anyone but me” way. Yet, when I am in a relationship, I am very different. I am exceptionally loyal and committed to the woman I am with. You can imagine how difficult this proves when my significant other decides to show her bat shit crazy cards about 3-6 months in to the relationship (and yes, in my experience 3-6 months in is generally where a girl who is actually crazy, will start showing crazy). And to someone like me, who doesn’t shy away from the commitments they have made very easily, you can see why when things go sideways 6 months into the relationship that I am now very committed to, I end up willingly enduring a lot of shit before ending things (because again, I try to make good on promises and commitments). I was once likened to the captain of the Titanic. If you remember in the movie (yes, the one where Kate Winslet got her kit off and banged that Leo fellow in the back of a steamy car… anyway, like I was saying about me and the Captain) when shit was going down and the boat was sinking, the Captain calmly walked back into the bridge, grabbed the steering wheel, and waited for the icy cold waters to rush in. That’s me. And that is why I feel I have a certain insight into insecurity, and the crazy it brings. Because I have seen it to the bitter end, numerous times.
Insecurity comes in all forms, and for all reasons. I am not a psychologist, so I feel very inept when helping a woman deal with her abandonment, daddy, popularity, appearance, attention, mean girlfriend issues. But, I do try. Hard. And in trying, I have learned over and over that telling/showing/proving to a woman that you “are not that guy” is an absolute impossibility. You will never overcome the power of her insecurity. It has nothing to do with you, and therefore you have no power over it.
Jealousy, computer/email/phone/text snooping, clinginess, paranoia, insistence on a detailed report of every single second of a guy’s night out (including who was there, did you talk to any girls, did the other guys talk to any girls, did anyone at the bar talk to any girls), dependence issues, and the ever popular “why are you checking her out?!” statement are all part and parcel to the consistent state of the insecure. And they are all a drain on the relationship, and consequently on you.
When you strip it all down, in its simplest form, the insecurities a woman brings to the relationship are a liability to the potential success of the relationship you are trying so hard to maintain. And when you are in a relationship and you feel all of your effort goes into maintaining things, and there is little energy for anything else, where is the hope for growth and progress? Or better yet, where is the joy, the excitement, the fun?
Now, this isn’t a one way street. Ladies, I am sure you have stories about Captain Clingy, his constant need to be held, his anger toward that guy who approached you at the bar, and his strong worries about your interest in Tom Brady (“Why do you have to wear his Jersey?!”). Insecurity a problem for both sexes. So, assuming you missed the early warning signs, and ended up in a relationship with a significant other who managed to play it cool for a while, but then started showing signs of insecurity, how do you handle it, if any other way than cutting them loose?